Warrior Nun Part 01
hi guys
Due to hot-mess living situation, I have begun distracting myself near-constantly with warrior nun (on netflix), all the accompanying fic, or township, the silly little townbuilding game i was obsessed with as a kid (yes the same one that heejin was recently on hslkdfj). my roommate has bore witness to my goofy freak out dance every time i see a good screenshot or read a good fic bc i cannot hide it anymore.
Anyways!
also this is gonna be part one. if i don't post this now i never will, but i have a bajillion more thoughts.
my twitter timeline was filled with #renewwarriornun, and then i started seeing a whole bunch of screenshots/implications of canon sapphic relationship (which is probably definitely how it ended up on my TL hsldkfjdslk) so of course then i had to watch it. funnily enough, i normally am not at all a tv show type of person (prefer movies bc i don't have the patience) and tend to skip through parts i think are boring, but this show definitely changed that. did skip through some fight scenes but that's just because i cannot handle gore/seeing too much blood ToT; everything else was SO GOOD. also never in a million years did i ever think i would willingly consume media about the catholic church. who am i. actually it is in fact so me to be consuming christian media bc of sapphics oops.
edit (221214): so. i was so convinced that it would get renewed. i also don't really watch tv shows, and now i'm remembering why. movies are usually complete; they might hint at something else, but usually they don't end on cliffhangers and then get fucking canceled. netflix is so so evil for this and i truly hope that wn gets at the very least a third and final season, preferably with like 10-12 eps. in this life. please ššš»āāļø. anyways. that's why like half of this is so happy and it's probably gonna get a little angsty(?) and then use the wrong verb tense at some points. oops but also idc sorry
spoilers upcoming, so if u don't want to see it, this is a good time to look away.
Also Iām gonna do my best to cite my sources but some of these are fic amalgamations, headcanons, and things in the show that Iām not certain I remember spectacularly. Feel free to ask me abt things, and I can go try to find what fic or post something is tangential to, if applicable!
the stylists for season two. i would like to give you a big fat kiss. so so obsessed with alba's short hair, and that freaking overall + crop top + cropped hoodie jacket outfit and also the party fit when she's drinking and dancing w bea.
and this is going to sound so insane but i loved the nun outfits so much i was looking up balaclavas after (no i have no idea if nuns actually wear balaclavas they just look kind of similar and i loved the silhouette). also think it was lilith's nun clothing that was sleeveless and like. damn girl. ur arms r so cool.
that button up that kty wears with the slightly puffed sleeves. think she was wearing black pants. there's a specific photo where she's standing with her hands in her pockets and it makes me want to scream. she looks So Good fr and the way the ribbing is on the bodice/waist area makes me feral
when the OCS is in Yasmine's branch's habit!! or at least the same color. it makes them look younger, like the nun version of school uniforms. i love them.
when lilith has her hair down and is in casual clothes and is apologizing to ava? she looks so much younger and softer, as if she hasn't been raised to be the warrior nun for her entire life. every time she's sleeveless i need to swoon over her arms. a need.
Kty just said in an interview that if Beatrice had a tattoo itād probably be In This Life, and that maybe the new Beatrice wears tank tops. Imagine if bea showed up season three w like a full sleeve or back tats
if i could write fic, i wanna explore beatrice's char so bad. what happened to her. i need more so bad. want her backstory. WHO WAS SHE. so insane so feral. who were her parents. english diplomats that sent their daughter to The Most Prestigious private school in Switzerland, where she spends her free time training in aikido, kendo, and archery. knows how to read latin. french. Probably competent as hell at whole bunch of other things. The way she gets promoted to bar manager within the month. Mary saying that the art collector's mansion looks "ike where Beatrice's parents buy their Picassos," implying that bea's told the ocs, or at least her good friends there, about her past.
ALSO! just realizing that ava and bea were hiding out and training in switzerland... Beatrice already having a history there and getting to write over it with Ava.
https://at.tumblr.com/clexalab/the-headcanon-that-wont-let-me-live-is-that/byiwgcciebtv
"The headcanon that wonāt let me live is that Beatrice has a PAST and SKILLS and Ava has no idea what sheās getting into. Like a past where she has done and experienced things that would lead to her parents saying that sheās ānot falling in lineā and shipping her off to Catholic boarding school.
She would have had to be 18 to join any order and then needed at least a year (even on Beatriceās expedited time) to take her vows, which means that thereās a chance she was 15 or 16 or older when she āwasnāt falling in lineā and thereās no guarantee she immediately behaved once she was at an all-girls boarding school. This is also sophisticated, educated Beatrice weāre talking about and she would have been exceptional at all the sports and academics and activities and any queer woman in her vicinity would have PAID ATTENTION to her and her sharp jaw and dark eyes.
And thatās what Ava doesnāt know. Ava thinks that Beatrice, restrained, controlled, buttoned up Beatrice, never made out let alone slept with anyone and she thinks she knows what Beatrice is capable of. When in reality Beatrice, strong, competent, intense Beatrice, was also exceptional at being gay. That was exactly the problem. She wasnāt blind to the way other girls would look at her and she was great at kissing them and meticulous, kind, dedicated Beatrice was incredible at getting them to fall apart under her. Thatās the twist Ava doesnāt see coming: that OCSās crown jewel and biggest pride, Sister Beatrice, with hands more powerful and lethal than most weapons, can make those hands precise and gentle and more sinful than anything Ava ever imagined."
---clexalab
this is making me so insane. please pleasee somebody
waffling between beatrice emotionally repressed disaster lesbian and aforementioned uber competent one.
ava just wanting to live. when she tells beatrice that they could go back to the alps. when she tells miguel while they look down at the hole!!! her repeated desire to go back to the two months where she lived mostly like a regular person with the girl that she loves.
when ava kisses bea's cheek i think i screamed. also ava habit that i think is so so cute is when she kinda rocks back and forth like when she kisses bea's cheek and also when she's trying to cajole her into letting them go to the museums and go explore Madrid; she does this little semi-dance like a kid sweet talking and it's so very Ava of her. saw some gifs actually, and she actually just kind of talks with her entire body. like when she asks beatrice if "this is our thing now," it's not just her hand gesticulating---it's her entire upper half bent like 45 degrees. girl got bodily movement back and is taking every and any opportunity to use it.
also when she says *hi* so sweetly to Bea when she gets tranquilized. š„° god the way my heart like overflows when she says it. when is it my turn
saw a post somewhere that Ava is so quick to help prop others up when they need help walking because she knows how it feels š„ŗ. and when i sob what then.
big fan of mother superion and also her and camila. mother superion's sense of humor is so funny to me. her secret little smile and her joke delivery are so good; when her and Camilla quote Dolly Parton and talking heads and it reminds me that like. nuns used to have regular human lives with like cell phones and the internet, yknow?
love lilith when she's on the ava's side, but then when she's not i am v much Not A Fan. also her making out w Adriel was so bizarre to me. when she's trying to become the halo bearer i sort of despise š«¤. definitely see where she's coming from though.
some things in the show are a tad funky and maybe there just kinda because. like in S2 they forgive Father Vincent so quickly. like maybe reluctant getting along for the sake of the mission i can understand, but Beatrice smiles at him! like a few scenes after she's about to kill him! what is happening. maybe the power of god compels them to forgive. idk. like he betrayed all in a much deeper way?
forgiving lilith i can understand more. that's all she's ever known and all she's been raised to believe. a little too ambitious, but a sister nonetheless. vincent knew. he'd done the sketchy stuff, supposedly cleaned up, then threw away all the trust all these people had in him. for what?
think i saw a twt post that was the go girl give us nothing with a picture of reya bc she kind of just got dragged out of the portal, did basically nothing while shit went down, and then the tarasks kill Adriel and she just calls them back.
So badly want a good redemption arc for Lilith; sheās too good a character to have her end be making out w Adriel, a wild moany transition, beating up Ava/betraying the ocs, and then a cryptic as heck prophecy type thing. Also want her and camila to end up together but perhaps thatās pinning my hopes too high
thought the scene where camila telling beatrice that loving the warrior nun's the hard part was a little out of pocket, and finding out recently that it was supposed to be mary telling her that makes a lot more sense.
in this life or the next. when mary says fuck that. in this life. a) the way this is how i want to live my life, and b) the way beatrice has to face a changed ava when she comes back through the portal. the way she's going to have to deal with the grief of losing her and that she might not have another chance to see her in this life.
also i loveee mary. toya turner pls return for season 3 + i hope her other circumstances have turned out well.
also sister mary and sister shannon being together is just so correct. feels like pieces slotted together (although it wasn't much of a puzzle that they were a thing methinks). wish that in an alternate universe shannon would be alive and she and mary would be like older sisters(?) to ava and bea. also love mary having so much faith in beatrice (when she says to do what your gut says, as long as your gut says to follow whatever bea says ToT)
camila having her secret little smile and avatrice agenda is so cute to me. also in my heart of hearts i think she and mother superion would have some sort of inside joke and bet running on when they'd get together. also this might be a hc im stealing from a fic, but that bea tries to ask mother superion for advice/confession(? is that how that works? i dont think so. suspend ur disbelief pls hlskdfj) bc of the fun Internalized Homophobia and mother superion is just like. incredibly reassuring and comforting and maybe i am just projecting.
simon barry saying that there was a cut scene of them just in the morning, waking up. the character exploration of their differences. the annoyingness but endearingness of living with someone so different than yourself!!!!
krstna03 "kty writing her thesis while filming season 1 is making me wonder what this woman cannot do//she's so beatrice coded" SO TROO.
the way some loona writers r also writing avatrice. when i saw sxftmelody!!! also a moomoo hsldkfjsdl when i saw the use of greasy i went !!!! just like me fr haha
"i like when fics make ava horny but like in the victorian man way. like she fantasizes about the crook of beatriceās elbow. like she accidentally catches a glimpse of collarbone as beatrice adjusts her sweater and short circuits
ava, seeing a nuns bare shoulder for the first time: god if youāre real please sever our spiritual connection because you will not forgive me for what iām about to think"
---milfology
this is so freaking funny istg
"canāt stop thinking about bea being avaās first real love bc sheās never experienced what actually being in love is like until she fell for her"
---sapphosz, complete with a pic of a lady with her hands clasped together + I am breaking down please be quiet.
"bea went from āfaith is my businessā where her only focus was ever on the mission and god to her willing to do whatever it takes to protect the person she loves most even if it means not prioritizing the mission"
---sapphosz
"will never get over how avatrice is the literal trope of character a is selfish and becomes selfless for character b and character b is selfless and becomes selfish for character a leading to them inevitably losing each other in the end iām gonna be sick"
---sapphicsonfilm
"To Beatrice,
I just want to start off by saying sorry for the poor penmanship. I hope this letter is at least legible. I donāt have much time, but I have so much that I need to say before I go.
I could write a dozen different letters, each with the same message but just in different words. In the end, it would all come down to one thing: I miss you. You should be here, but you arenāt. And itās my fault. I know itās selfish of me to say, but itās true. I miss you. And I hope when this letter finds youā¦ I hope youāll miss me too.
I never thought Iād ever have to write something like this. I mean, the whole paralyzed thing aside, I just never thought that I would have someone to write to when I was gone. I guess in that way I should be grateful, not necessarily that I have to leave, but that I was cared for enough that I had someone to leave behind.Ā
The truth is, my time at the orphanage left me pretty emotionally dead, and for a very short time, actually dead-dead. When I was given my second life, I was reckless and rash, and as you so eloquently put it, I only ādid whatās best for Ava.ā But you, along with the others, showed me what it meant to truly live ā to care not just for myself, but for those around me. You showed me how to see beyond the walls of my own fear, to push past my pain and use it in a way that made it my power.
Iāll never be able to thank you enough for all that youāve done, and Iāll never be able to repay you for the kindness, compassion, and support youāve given me through it all. As brief as our time has been, Iāve come to know you as a beautiful person. Maybe the most beautiful person Iāve ever known. I just wish I had more time to know you better.Ā
Even in light of your possession and all the harsh words spoken, youāve inspired me to be a better person. I admit it hurt to hear you say those things. It still hurts even now. Itās not something I think I could have gotten over so quickly, but given that my time is short, I just want to say that experiencing your anger and disappointment is not something Iād ever want to feel again. I guess thatās why I reacted so strongly ā why I started pulling away and pushing myself harder. I just wanted to be someone worthy of fighting beside you.
And I hope that whatever happens tonight, I hope I achieved that in any small capacity. I hope I was brave, like you taught me to be. I hope I went down doing the right thing, even if everything else Iāve done, Iāve done wrong. But most importantly, I hope I brought you back to yourself. Back to the Beatrice I love. Because I have nothing to my name ā no money, no property, not even a photo ID to prove that I existed. But if I leave anyone or anything behind on this earth, let it be the love I have for you.
I canāt claim to know whatās going to happen, but I do know youāll inevitably end up blaming yourself. Please donāt. Please know that no matter how this night ends, know that I did this willingly and of my own free will. I did it to save you, and if given the choice, Iād do it again. Iād choose you every time.
I hope one day we can meet again.Ā
_In this life and the next,
_Ava_"
---https://archiveofourown.org/works/25874977?view_full_work=true (orphan acc)
"when itās beaās turn to make the first move now that she knows ava feels the same way she does >>>>"
---sapphosz
": in s1 how did it feel talking to a giant stone and having to pretend ava was inside during a very emotional scene? kty: i talk to stones all the time so im very experienced actually KRISTINA IS SO FUNNY BYE"
---petitelecomte
"ava used a smartphone in s2 so canāt we assume beatrice had one too and ava made them both take selfies and pictures so ava could save the memories of a time she was closest to living the life sheās wanted to live with the person she loves and beatrice can now look back on them"
---peacesignbitch
"Camila: i just donāt think itās fair yasmin got to see you kiss for the first time Beatrice: you know i trusted you most with destroying the cross Ava: yeah cam, it wasnāt personal at all Lilith: you also missed their first āi love youā Camila: *pulling out a gun* their what"
---incorrectwn
"imagine bea being back at the bar and sheās doing inventory like she always does then all of a sudden she hears avaās voice, at first she thought she imagined it but then she looks back after hearing a soft ābeaā and sees that itās ava but her hair is longer than it was before"
---sapphosz
https://at.tumblr.com/clexalab/the-headcanon-that-wont-let-me-live-is-that/byiwgcciebtv
"The headcanon that wonāt let me live is that Beatrice has a PAST and SKILLS and Ava has no idea what sheās getting into. Like a past where she has done and experienced things that would lead to her parents saying that sheās ānot falling in lineā and shipping her off to Catholic boarding school.
She would have had to be 18 to join any order and then needed at least a year (even on Beatriceās expedited time) to take her vows, which means that thereās a chance she was 15 or 16 or older when she āwasnāt falling in lineā and thereās no guarantee she immediately behaved once she was at an all-girls boarding school. This is also sophisticated, educated Beatrice weāre talking about and she would have been exceptional at all the sports and academics and activities and any queer woman in her vicinity would have PAID ATTENTION to her and her sharp jaw and dark eyes.
And thatās what Ava doesnāt know. Ava thinks that Beatrice, restrained, controlled, buttoned up Beatrice, never made out let alone slept with anyone and she thinks she knows what Beatrice is capable of. When in reality Beatrice, strong, competent, intense Beatrice, was also exceptional at being gay. That was exactly the problem. She wasnāt blind to the way other girls would look at her and she was great at kissing them and meticulous, kind, dedicated Beatrice was incredible at getting them to fall apart under her. Thatās the twist Ava doesnāt see coming: that OCSās crown jewel and biggest pride, Sister Beatrice, with hands more powerful and lethal than most weapons, can make those hands precise and gentle and more sinful than anything Ava ever imagined."
---clexalab
this is making me so insane. please pleasee somebody
waffling between beatrice emotionally repressed disaster lesbian and aforementioned uber competent one.
"her kiss with ava may not have been her first but its the one that meant something" what if i k!ll myself right now"
---lgbtzenin
ācannot begin to say what warrior nun means to me. beatrice being asian, religious and gay. the fact that the other sisters probably all knew, but loved her anyways. and yet she still struggled so hard to admit anything. because it's just that terrifying sometimes [#SaveWarrionNun]
I found courage in beatrice's coming out scene in s1 and also through the unashamed, loud, & beautiful love i've seen (through my supercorp family first) and now also in other sapphic fandoms online. and I will always be grateful for that [#SaveWarrionNun]
I used to think I would take it to my grave, satisfied with my little bubble online where I could be true to myself. and sometimes I still feel that way, but I hope one day I can want more for myself. Representation matters. thank you to [#WarriorNun] for making me feel seenā
---a_ningja_turtle
"man the conversation/mini fight bea and ava have in the car while michael gets gas is SO good and builds up the tension that eventually culminates in their actual fight in the apartment at the end of the ep SO well, and i feel like thereās truly so much to talk about for both characters in this scene alone
for example i LOVE that you can feel beaās frustration growing and growing because ava keeps insisting and bea keeps having to say no, until she snaps a lil bit and throws the whole āis it because youāre attracted to him?ā accusation at avaās face, which, yeah itās borne out of jealousy, but also out of sheer exasperation and stress because ava wonāt listen to herā¦ and itās such a great character beat to show bea being momentarily a bit unfair! a bit provoking! a bit condescending on purpose!
bea is so composed and in control of herself at all times, sheās always gentle, wise, kind - until the stress and pressure become too much. then she cracks, and turnsā¦ merciless? whether itās a physical fight, or a verbal one, she goes straight for the weak point, and itās vicious, honestly. and the way she lashes out multiple times this season, at ava, at camila, at father vincent, even at mother superion that one timeā¦ iām loving this character trait - character flaw? - that was established in s1, coming into focus more visibly in s2. yes girl let the anger out!"
---random-french-girl
https://at.tumblr.com/mishmashe/random-french-girl-man-the-conversationmini/oudtvyhoddqz
"maybe itās because iām so starved for sapphic attraction, but iām only now realizing how much ava was holding back with bea. ava unashamedly flirted with jc and literally tried every possible trick in the book. my girl actually took drugs to try and get lucky, ffs (all for some cardboard stick. come on, ava, at least simp for a man with a personality.)
with bea, on the other hand, avaās affection slips through the cracks. she falls for bea and quickly realizes that sheās not allowed that, she canāt fall for her best friend. so she loves quietly, or as quietly as she can manage. she lets herself have the little things, and she takes what she can steal. she loves so wholly and she wants to show it, but she _canāt_. she lives off the crumbs she allows herself, paints her love as friendship, and no one was the wiser.
#maybe not no one#bea definitely wasn't the wiser#i'm so used to queer relationships barely showing affection that i didn't even realize how much ava was holding back#the self control alone#you have earned my respect ava silva#but it's not like you didn't already have it#avatrice#warrior nun#sister beatrice#ava silva#ava x beatrice#warrior nun season 2#renew warrior nun"
"i hope you dont mind even tho i don't think this is where you were going with this but bea's anger and frustration w ava is really interesting to me in general for bea's character bc.
she is SO overwhelmingly fear motivated in s2 in a way that's like. she's clearly so experienced with managing fear and anger right? beatrice has been productively channeling fear for so long that she's become a haven of emotional peace and safety for her sisters. but now she's been kind of tossed into the wilderness to fend not Only for herself but for an unprecedentedly novice and therefore vulnerable like religious figurehead (who she's also, stressfully, falling in love with).
we see beatrice seems to end up taking on that pressure for Both of them. ava clearly does feel it too, the doomed by the narrative of it all that she spent the first season running from, but ava is still like... she's on her what 4th?? miraculous escape from the inevitable. the last time it was fully and absolutely real for ava she accepted death like willingly take the halo from me im done and beatrice's contingency explosion saved her so for ava that pressure is very different at this point. She's already experienced what it's like to make peace with that and she has no reason to let that worry her again before she Has to.
beatrice has to now. that's her entire motivation and mission is evaluating where ava IS on this trajectory so she's living and training and preparing ava like a lamb to the fucking slaughter thinking about her impending death every day. small wonder she keeps taking that stress out on ava! for the first half of the season every outburst of anger and frustration we see from beatrice is borne of this.
and then there's ava flipping the script on her w vincent and even After that not telling her the real plan for her final confrontation. it's still primarily worry and concern that beatrice responds with right? but also. A level of ? i guess i want to say mistrust. like what does it even mean for ava to be lying to her"
---sshepardcommander
[![[profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
powerbottomavasilva]#I think it's also the added stress of these feelings she developed for ava and guilt that comes with them#and right off her crisis of faith moment#this is post faith fracture where she was given a clear choice: let ava detonate and kill adriel as per her mission as the warrior nun]#or save ava's life FOR ava#like. at this point there was STILL a way to rationalize it#like the fact that they don't KNOW if it'll work and then they're short a warrior nun and still have to face adriel AND have to get the hal]#and everybody WOULD go along with it#but BEATRICE is the one who doesn't even try to explain it away bc in that single moment. there was not a single thought of the plan. or ad]#she has intimate knowledge of what motivated her to move and it was the fact that she just could absolutely not let ava die FOR ava HER ava#and so the pressure of it all falls all at once on her bc now she can't even lie to herself abt her feelings]#her stake in this fight has changed! it's not abt defeating evil it's abt safeguarding the love of her life and the guilt that comes from it#heightens it alll#AVA KEEPS THROWING HERSELF INTO DANGER#AVA HIDES THINGS FROM HER AND BEA DOESN'T KNOW WHAT EXACTLY AND SHE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH /THAT/ ON TOP OF EVERYTHING BC AT LEAST B#can you imagine the pressure cooker beatrice's nerves have turned into#and still through it all when ava comes back and takes off the crown on her own her first reflex is asking abt her well-being#and ava's first reflex is to reassure#these two my god
---birgittesilverbae
Due to hot-mess living situation, I have begun distracting myself near-constantly with warrior nun (on netflix), all the accompanying fic, or township, the silly little townbuilding game i was obsessed with as a kid (yes the same one that heejin was recently on hslkdfj). my roommate has bore witness to my goofy freak out dance every time i see a good screenshot or read a good fic bc i cannot hide it anymore.
Anyways!
also this is gonna be part one. if i don't post this now i never will, but i have a bajillion more thoughts.
my twitter timeline was filled with #renewwarriornun, and then i started seeing a whole bunch of screenshots/implications of canon sapphic relationship (which is probably definitely how it ended up on my TL hsldkfjdslk) so of course then i had to watch it. funnily enough, i normally am not at all a tv show type of person (prefer movies bc i don't have the patience) and tend to skip through parts i think are boring, but this show definitely changed that. did skip through some fight scenes but that's just because i cannot handle gore/seeing too much blood ToT; everything else was SO GOOD. also never in a million years did i ever think i would willingly consume media about the catholic church. who am i. actually it is in fact so me to be consuming christian media bc of sapphics oops.
edit (221214): so. i was so convinced that it would get renewed. i also don't really watch tv shows, and now i'm remembering why. movies are usually complete; they might hint at something else, but usually they don't end on cliffhangers and then get fucking canceled. netflix is so so evil for this and i truly hope that wn gets at the very least a third and final season, preferably with like 10-12 eps. in this life. please ššš»āāļø. anyways. that's why like half of this is so happy and it's probably gonna get a little angsty(?) and then use the wrong verb tense at some points. oops but also idc sorry
spoilers upcoming, so if u don't want to see it, this is a good time to look away.
Also Iām gonna do my best to cite my sources but some of these are fic amalgamations, headcanons, and things in the show that Iām not certain I remember spectacularly. Feel free to ask me abt things, and I can go try to find what fic or post something is tangential to, if applicable!
the stylists for season two. i would like to give you a big fat kiss. so so obsessed with alba's short hair, and that freaking overall + crop top + cropped hoodie jacket outfit and also the party fit when she's drinking and dancing w bea.
and this is going to sound so insane but i loved the nun outfits so much i was looking up balaclavas after (no i have no idea if nuns actually wear balaclavas they just look kind of similar and i loved the silhouette). also think it was lilith's nun clothing that was sleeveless and like. damn girl. ur arms r so cool.
that button up that kty wears with the slightly puffed sleeves. think she was wearing black pants. there's a specific photo where she's standing with her hands in her pockets and it makes me want to scream. she looks So Good fr and the way the ribbing is on the bodice/waist area makes me feral
when the OCS is in Yasmine's branch's habit!! or at least the same color. it makes them look younger, like the nun version of school uniforms. i love them.
when lilith has her hair down and is in casual clothes and is apologizing to ava? she looks so much younger and softer, as if she hasn't been raised to be the warrior nun for her entire life. every time she's sleeveless i need to swoon over her arms. a need.
Kty just said in an interview that if Beatrice had a tattoo itād probably be In This Life, and that maybe the new Beatrice wears tank tops. Imagine if bea showed up season three w like a full sleeve or back tats
if i could write fic, i wanna explore beatrice's char so bad. what happened to her. i need more so bad. want her backstory. WHO WAS SHE. so insane so feral. who were her parents. english diplomats that sent their daughter to The Most Prestigious private school in Switzerland, where she spends her free time training in aikido, kendo, and archery. knows how to read latin. french. Probably competent as hell at whole bunch of other things. The way she gets promoted to bar manager within the month. Mary saying that the art collector's mansion looks "ike where Beatrice's parents buy their Picassos," implying that bea's told the ocs, or at least her good friends there, about her past.
ALSO! just realizing that ava and bea were hiding out and training in switzerland... Beatrice already having a history there and getting to write over it with Ava.
https://at.tumblr.com/clexalab/the-headcanon-that-wont-let-me-live-is-that/byiwgcciebtv
"The headcanon that wonāt let me live is that Beatrice has a PAST and SKILLS and Ava has no idea what sheās getting into. Like a past where she has done and experienced things that would lead to her parents saying that sheās ānot falling in lineā and shipping her off to Catholic boarding school.
She would have had to be 18 to join any order and then needed at least a year (even on Beatriceās expedited time) to take her vows, which means that thereās a chance she was 15 or 16 or older when she āwasnāt falling in lineā and thereās no guarantee she immediately behaved once she was at an all-girls boarding school. This is also sophisticated, educated Beatrice weāre talking about and she would have been exceptional at all the sports and academics and activities and any queer woman in her vicinity would have PAID ATTENTION to her and her sharp jaw and dark eyes.
And thatās what Ava doesnāt know. Ava thinks that Beatrice, restrained, controlled, buttoned up Beatrice, never made out let alone slept with anyone and she thinks she knows what Beatrice is capable of. When in reality Beatrice, strong, competent, intense Beatrice, was also exceptional at being gay. That was exactly the problem. She wasnāt blind to the way other girls would look at her and she was great at kissing them and meticulous, kind, dedicated Beatrice was incredible at getting them to fall apart under her. Thatās the twist Ava doesnāt see coming: that OCSās crown jewel and biggest pride, Sister Beatrice, with hands more powerful and lethal than most weapons, can make those hands precise and gentle and more sinful than anything Ava ever imagined."
---clexalab
this is making me so insane. please pleasee somebody
waffling between beatrice emotionally repressed disaster lesbian and aforementioned uber competent one.
ava just wanting to live. when she tells beatrice that they could go back to the alps. when she tells miguel while they look down at the hole!!! her repeated desire to go back to the two months where she lived mostly like a regular person with the girl that she loves.
when ava kisses bea's cheek i think i screamed. also ava habit that i think is so so cute is when she kinda rocks back and forth like when she kisses bea's cheek and also when she's trying to cajole her into letting them go to the museums and go explore Madrid; she does this little semi-dance like a kid sweet talking and it's so very Ava of her. saw some gifs actually, and she actually just kind of talks with her entire body. like when she asks beatrice if "this is our thing now," it's not just her hand gesticulating---it's her entire upper half bent like 45 degrees. girl got bodily movement back and is taking every and any opportunity to use it.
also when she says *hi* so sweetly to Bea when she gets tranquilized. š„° god the way my heart like overflows when she says it. when is it my turn
saw a post somewhere that Ava is so quick to help prop others up when they need help walking because she knows how it feels š„ŗ. and when i sob what then.
big fan of mother superion and also her and camila. mother superion's sense of humor is so funny to me. her secret little smile and her joke delivery are so good; when her and Camilla quote Dolly Parton and talking heads and it reminds me that like. nuns used to have regular human lives with like cell phones and the internet, yknow?
love lilith when she's on the ava's side, but then when she's not i am v much Not A Fan. also her making out w Adriel was so bizarre to me. when she's trying to become the halo bearer i sort of despise š«¤. definitely see where she's coming from though.
some things in the show are a tad funky and maybe there just kinda because. like in S2 they forgive Father Vincent so quickly. like maybe reluctant getting along for the sake of the mission i can understand, but Beatrice smiles at him! like a few scenes after she's about to kill him! what is happening. maybe the power of god compels them to forgive. idk. like he betrayed all in a much deeper way?
forgiving lilith i can understand more. that's all she's ever known and all she's been raised to believe. a little too ambitious, but a sister nonetheless. vincent knew. he'd done the sketchy stuff, supposedly cleaned up, then threw away all the trust all these people had in him. for what?
think i saw a twt post that was the go girl give us nothing with a picture of reya bc she kind of just got dragged out of the portal, did basically nothing while shit went down, and then the tarasks kill Adriel and she just calls them back.
So badly want a good redemption arc for Lilith; sheās too good a character to have her end be making out w Adriel, a wild moany transition, beating up Ava/betraying the ocs, and then a cryptic as heck prophecy type thing. Also want her and camila to end up together but perhaps thatās pinning my hopes too high
thought the scene where camila telling beatrice that loving the warrior nun's the hard part was a little out of pocket, and finding out recently that it was supposed to be mary telling her that makes a lot more sense.
in this life or the next. when mary says fuck that. in this life. a) the way this is how i want to live my life, and b) the way beatrice has to face a changed ava when she comes back through the portal. the way she's going to have to deal with the grief of losing her and that she might not have another chance to see her in this life.
also i loveee mary. toya turner pls return for season 3 + i hope her other circumstances have turned out well.
also sister mary and sister shannon being together is just so correct. feels like pieces slotted together (although it wasn't much of a puzzle that they were a thing methinks). wish that in an alternate universe shannon would be alive and she and mary would be like older sisters(?) to ava and bea. also love mary having so much faith in beatrice (when she says to do what your gut says, as long as your gut says to follow whatever bea says ToT)
camila having her secret little smile and avatrice agenda is so cute to me. also in my heart of hearts i think she and mother superion would have some sort of inside joke and bet running on when they'd get together. also this might be a hc im stealing from a fic, but that bea tries to ask mother superion for advice/confession(? is that how that works? i dont think so. suspend ur disbelief pls hlskdfj) bc of the fun Internalized Homophobia and mother superion is just like. incredibly reassuring and comforting and maybe i am just projecting.
simon barry saying that there was a cut scene of them just in the morning, waking up. the character exploration of their differences. the annoyingness but endearingness of living with someone so different than yourself!!!!
krstna03 "kty writing her thesis while filming season 1 is making me wonder what this woman cannot do//she's so beatrice coded" SO TROO.
the way some loona writers r also writing avatrice. when i saw sxftmelody!!! also a moomoo hsldkfjsdl when i saw the use of greasy i went !!!! just like me fr haha
"i like when fics make ava horny but like in the victorian man way. like she fantasizes about the crook of beatriceās elbow. like she accidentally catches a glimpse of collarbone as beatrice adjusts her sweater and short circuits
ava, seeing a nuns bare shoulder for the first time: god if youāre real please sever our spiritual connection because you will not forgive me for what iām about to think"
---milfology
this is so freaking funny istg
"canāt stop thinking about bea being avaās first real love bc sheās never experienced what actually being in love is like until she fell for her"
---sapphosz, complete with a pic of a lady with her hands clasped together + I am breaking down please be quiet.
"bea went from āfaith is my businessā where her only focus was ever on the mission and god to her willing to do whatever it takes to protect the person she loves most even if it means not prioritizing the mission"
---sapphosz
"will never get over how avatrice is the literal trope of character a is selfish and becomes selfless for character b and character b is selfless and becomes selfish for character a leading to them inevitably losing each other in the end iām gonna be sick"
---sapphicsonfilm
"To Beatrice,
I just want to start off by saying sorry for the poor penmanship. I hope this letter is at least legible. I donāt have much time, but I have so much that I need to say before I go.
I could write a dozen different letters, each with the same message but just in different words. In the end, it would all come down to one thing: I miss you. You should be here, but you arenāt. And itās my fault. I know itās selfish of me to say, but itās true. I miss you. And I hope when this letter finds youā¦ I hope youāll miss me too.
I never thought Iād ever have to write something like this. I mean, the whole paralyzed thing aside, I just never thought that I would have someone to write to when I was gone. I guess in that way I should be grateful, not necessarily that I have to leave, but that I was cared for enough that I had someone to leave behind.Ā
The truth is, my time at the orphanage left me pretty emotionally dead, and for a very short time, actually dead-dead. When I was given my second life, I was reckless and rash, and as you so eloquently put it, I only ādid whatās best for Ava.ā But you, along with the others, showed me what it meant to truly live ā to care not just for myself, but for those around me. You showed me how to see beyond the walls of my own fear, to push past my pain and use it in a way that made it my power.
Iāll never be able to thank you enough for all that youāve done, and Iāll never be able to repay you for the kindness, compassion, and support youāve given me through it all. As brief as our time has been, Iāve come to know you as a beautiful person. Maybe the most beautiful person Iāve ever known. I just wish I had more time to know you better.Ā
Even in light of your possession and all the harsh words spoken, youāve inspired me to be a better person. I admit it hurt to hear you say those things. It still hurts even now. Itās not something I think I could have gotten over so quickly, but given that my time is short, I just want to say that experiencing your anger and disappointment is not something Iād ever want to feel again. I guess thatās why I reacted so strongly ā why I started pulling away and pushing myself harder. I just wanted to be someone worthy of fighting beside you.
And I hope that whatever happens tonight, I hope I achieved that in any small capacity. I hope I was brave, like you taught me to be. I hope I went down doing the right thing, even if everything else Iāve done, Iāve done wrong. But most importantly, I hope I brought you back to yourself. Back to the Beatrice I love. Because I have nothing to my name ā no money, no property, not even a photo ID to prove that I existed. But if I leave anyone or anything behind on this earth, let it be the love I have for you.
I canāt claim to know whatās going to happen, but I do know youāll inevitably end up blaming yourself. Please donāt. Please know that no matter how this night ends, know that I did this willingly and of my own free will. I did it to save you, and if given the choice, Iād do it again. Iād choose you every time.
I hope one day we can meet again.Ā
_In this life and the next,
_Ava_"
---https://archiveofourown.org/works/25874977?view_full_work=true (orphan acc)
"when itās beaās turn to make the first move now that she knows ava feels the same way she does >>>>"
---sapphosz
": in s1 how did it feel talking to a giant stone and having to pretend ava was inside during a very emotional scene? kty: i talk to stones all the time so im very experienced actually KRISTINA IS SO FUNNY BYE"
---petitelecomte
"ava used a smartphone in s2 so canāt we assume beatrice had one too and ava made them both take selfies and pictures so ava could save the memories of a time she was closest to living the life sheās wanted to live with the person she loves and beatrice can now look back on them"
---peacesignbitch
"Camila: i just donāt think itās fair yasmin got to see you kiss for the first time Beatrice: you know i trusted you most with destroying the cross Ava: yeah cam, it wasnāt personal at all Lilith: you also missed their first āi love youā Camila: *pulling out a gun* their what"
---incorrectwn
"imagine bea being back at the bar and sheās doing inventory like she always does then all of a sudden she hears avaās voice, at first she thought she imagined it but then she looks back after hearing a soft ābeaā and sees that itās ava but her hair is longer than it was before"
---sapphosz
https://at.tumblr.com/clexalab/the-headcanon-that-wont-let-me-live-is-that/byiwgcciebtv
"The headcanon that wonāt let me live is that Beatrice has a PAST and SKILLS and Ava has no idea what sheās getting into. Like a past where she has done and experienced things that would lead to her parents saying that sheās ānot falling in lineā and shipping her off to Catholic boarding school.
She would have had to be 18 to join any order and then needed at least a year (even on Beatriceās expedited time) to take her vows, which means that thereās a chance she was 15 or 16 or older when she āwasnāt falling in lineā and thereās no guarantee she immediately behaved once she was at an all-girls boarding school. This is also sophisticated, educated Beatrice weāre talking about and she would have been exceptional at all the sports and academics and activities and any queer woman in her vicinity would have PAID ATTENTION to her and her sharp jaw and dark eyes.
And thatās what Ava doesnāt know. Ava thinks that Beatrice, restrained, controlled, buttoned up Beatrice, never made out let alone slept with anyone and she thinks she knows what Beatrice is capable of. When in reality Beatrice, strong, competent, intense Beatrice, was also exceptional at being gay. That was exactly the problem. She wasnāt blind to the way other girls would look at her and she was great at kissing them and meticulous, kind, dedicated Beatrice was incredible at getting them to fall apart under her. Thatās the twist Ava doesnāt see coming: that OCSās crown jewel and biggest pride, Sister Beatrice, with hands more powerful and lethal than most weapons, can make those hands precise and gentle and more sinful than anything Ava ever imagined."
---clexalab
this is making me so insane. please pleasee somebody
waffling between beatrice emotionally repressed disaster lesbian and aforementioned uber competent one.
"her kiss with ava may not have been her first but its the one that meant something" what if i k!ll myself right now"
---lgbtzenin
ācannot begin to say what warrior nun means to me. beatrice being asian, religious and gay. the fact that the other sisters probably all knew, but loved her anyways. and yet she still struggled so hard to admit anything. because it's just that terrifying sometimes [#SaveWarrionNun]
I found courage in beatrice's coming out scene in s1 and also through the unashamed, loud, & beautiful love i've seen (through my supercorp family first) and now also in other sapphic fandoms online. and I will always be grateful for that [#SaveWarrionNun]
I used to think I would take it to my grave, satisfied with my little bubble online where I could be true to myself. and sometimes I still feel that way, but I hope one day I can want more for myself. Representation matters. thank you to [#WarriorNun] for making me feel seenā
---a_ningja_turtle
"man the conversation/mini fight bea and ava have in the car while michael gets gas is SO good and builds up the tension that eventually culminates in their actual fight in the apartment at the end of the ep SO well, and i feel like thereās truly so much to talk about for both characters in this scene alone
for example i LOVE that you can feel beaās frustration growing and growing because ava keeps insisting and bea keeps having to say no, until she snaps a lil bit and throws the whole āis it because youāre attracted to him?ā accusation at avaās face, which, yeah itās borne out of jealousy, but also out of sheer exasperation and stress because ava wonāt listen to herā¦ and itās such a great character beat to show bea being momentarily a bit unfair! a bit provoking! a bit condescending on purpose!
bea is so composed and in control of herself at all times, sheās always gentle, wise, kind - until the stress and pressure become too much. then she cracks, and turnsā¦ merciless? whether itās a physical fight, or a verbal one, she goes straight for the weak point, and itās vicious, honestly. and the way she lashes out multiple times this season, at ava, at camila, at father vincent, even at mother superion that one timeā¦ iām loving this character trait - character flaw? - that was established in s1, coming into focus more visibly in s2. yes girl let the anger out!"
---random-french-girl
https://at.tumblr.com/mishmashe/random-french-girl-man-the-conversationmini/oudtvyhoddqz
"maybe itās because iām so starved for sapphic attraction, but iām only now realizing how much ava was holding back with bea. ava unashamedly flirted with jc and literally tried every possible trick in the book. my girl actually took drugs to try and get lucky, ffs (all for some cardboard stick. come on, ava, at least simp for a man with a personality.)
with bea, on the other hand, avaās affection slips through the cracks. she falls for bea and quickly realizes that sheās not allowed that, she canāt fall for her best friend. so she loves quietly, or as quietly as she can manage. she lets herself have the little things, and she takes what she can steal. she loves so wholly and she wants to show it, but she _canāt_. she lives off the crumbs she allows herself, paints her love as friendship, and no one was the wiser.
#maybe not no one#bea definitely wasn't the wiser#i'm so used to queer relationships barely showing affection that i didn't even realize how much ava was holding back#the self control alone#you have earned my respect ava silva#but it's not like you didn't already have it#avatrice#warrior nun#sister beatrice#ava silva#ava x beatrice#warrior nun season 2#renew warrior nun"
"i hope you dont mind even tho i don't think this is where you were going with this but bea's anger and frustration w ava is really interesting to me in general for bea's character bc.
she is SO overwhelmingly fear motivated in s2 in a way that's like. she's clearly so experienced with managing fear and anger right? beatrice has been productively channeling fear for so long that she's become a haven of emotional peace and safety for her sisters. but now she's been kind of tossed into the wilderness to fend not Only for herself but for an unprecedentedly novice and therefore vulnerable like religious figurehead (who she's also, stressfully, falling in love with).
we see beatrice seems to end up taking on that pressure for Both of them. ava clearly does feel it too, the doomed by the narrative of it all that she spent the first season running from, but ava is still like... she's on her what 4th?? miraculous escape from the inevitable. the last time it was fully and absolutely real for ava she accepted death like willingly take the halo from me im done and beatrice's contingency explosion saved her so for ava that pressure is very different at this point. She's already experienced what it's like to make peace with that and she has no reason to let that worry her again before she Has to.
beatrice has to now. that's her entire motivation and mission is evaluating where ava IS on this trajectory so she's living and training and preparing ava like a lamb to the fucking slaughter thinking about her impending death every day. small wonder she keeps taking that stress out on ava! for the first half of the season every outburst of anger and frustration we see from beatrice is borne of this.
and then there's ava flipping the script on her w vincent and even After that not telling her the real plan for her final confrontation. it's still primarily worry and concern that beatrice responds with right? but also. A level of ? i guess i want to say mistrust. like what does it even mean for ava to be lying to her"
---sshepardcommander
[
powerbottomavasilva]#I think it's also the added stress of these feelings she developed for ava and guilt that comes with them#and right off her crisis of faith moment#this is post faith fracture where she was given a clear choice: let ava detonate and kill adriel as per her mission as the warrior nun]#or save ava's life FOR ava#like. at this point there was STILL a way to rationalize it#like the fact that they don't KNOW if it'll work and then they're short a warrior nun and still have to face adriel AND have to get the hal]#and everybody WOULD go along with it#but BEATRICE is the one who doesn't even try to explain it away bc in that single moment. there was not a single thought of the plan. or ad]#she has intimate knowledge of what motivated her to move and it was the fact that she just could absolutely not let ava die FOR ava HER ava#and so the pressure of it all falls all at once on her bc now she can't even lie to herself abt her feelings]#her stake in this fight has changed! it's not abt defeating evil it's abt safeguarding the love of her life and the guilt that comes from it#heightens it alll#AVA KEEPS THROWING HERSELF INTO DANGER#AVA HIDES THINGS FROM HER AND BEA DOESN'T KNOW WHAT EXACTLY AND SHE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH /THAT/ ON TOP OF EVERYTHING BC AT LEAST B#can you imagine the pressure cooker beatrice's nerves have turned into#and still through it all when ava comes back and takes off the crown on her own her first reflex is asking abt her well-being#and ava's first reflex is to reassure#these two my god---birgittesilverbae